Dividing the Back-to-School Mental Load: How to Share the Work (Without Losing Your Sanity)

Back-to-school season always sneaks up on us, doesn’t it? One minute you’re soaking up summer, and the next you’re knee-deep in supply lists, sports schedules, and lunchbox planning.

And let’s be honest: most of that “invisible work” lands on one caregiver’s plate. You know—the one who remembers to sign the permission slips, schedules the dentist appointment before school starts, and knows when it’s picture day (because if you don’t, no one else will).

That’s the mental load in action. But here’s the thing: it doesn’t have to fall on just one person. Dividing the mental load for back-to-school not only keeps things fair, it makes the season less stressful for everyone.

Step 1: Make the Load Visible

The first step is to write down everything that needs to get done. Not just the obvious stuff like buying school supplies, but also things like:

• Filling out forms and paperwork

• Washing sports uniforms

• Remembering which day is library day

• Planning snacks for after school

• Setting up carpools

When you see it all in one place, it’s easier to divide instead of defaulting to “I’ll just do it.”

Step 2: Divide by Strengths (Not Just Convenience)

Instead of one person doing the “default parent” tasks, try splitting based on strengths or availability. For example:

• Morning routine → Who’s best at getting everyone out the door on time?

• Homework checks → Who has more patience for spelling words and math facts?

• Extracurriculars → Who can handle practice drop-offs and pickups?

• Paperwork + forms → Who’s organized enough to keep track of deadlines?

• Meal prep + lunches → Who has more time in the evenings vs. mornings?

The goal is to play to each person’s strengths so the load feels balanced—not lopsided.

Step 3: Use Tools to Stay on the Same Page

Trying to remember it all in your head is a recipe for stress (hello, forgotten permission slip). Use shared tools to keep everyone on the same page:

• A family calendar (digital or on the wall)

• A weekly checklist for school-related tasks

• A shared notes app for supply lists, snack ideas, or carpool schedules

• My Back-to-School Mental Load Checklist

The key is making sure the info isn’t just living in your brain.

Step 4: Let Go of Perfect

Sometimes lunches won’t be Pinterest-worthy, library books will be forgotten, or uniforms won’t be washed until the last minute. That’s okay. A divided mental load doesn’t mean perfection—it means teamwork.

✨ Ready to lighten your load? I created a Back-to-School Mental Load Checklist to help you and your co-parent divide tasks in a way that works for your family.